The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
