Define "chronic" masturbator.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
