i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
