I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
