I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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