Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
