ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
