Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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