Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
