I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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