I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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