Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
