Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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