I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
