awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
