I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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