WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
