He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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