So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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