who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
