That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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