thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
