Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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