He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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