Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
