I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
