...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
