I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I love you.
Bad choice
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