Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
