I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
