Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
