You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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