Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
