The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
