Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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