census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
