when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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