So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
