I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
