I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
