I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
