Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
