Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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