My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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