how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
only if we run a train.
done.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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