why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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