I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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