Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
