when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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