Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
