why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
