once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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