so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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