So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
only you would photoshop your dick
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
