he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
