Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
