I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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