she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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