he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
