it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
