My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
