the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
