the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
