Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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