i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
