Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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