problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
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