I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
