So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
