found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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